All posts tagged: life

For the first time in 4 years, I believed in God again.: Hallucinations while High

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the post-God side

Having zero experience with marijuana but wanting to experience it with some good friends visiting, I accidentally inhaled more of the vape pen with concentrated cannabis oil than I should have.  Within minutes, I was collapsed on the ground and totally lost all awareness of reality as we knew it. It started with “this very moment” separating.  Like multiple transparencies from 7th grade school projectors layered on top of each other, starting to separate, so […]

Identity in Christ = Worthlessness

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the godless side

Finding your identity in Christ… This was a message spoken to me day-to-day, week-to-week for decades.  It was about my self-worth, and my need to find it in another entity.  What does that mean when that entity disappears from your psyche by disbelief in his existence?  It means your worth disappears along with it. My worth, as a human, inherently and intrinsically, was always nothing.  I was only valuable through the eyes of god, who […]

Music and the existential

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the post-God side

I don’t have the words for describing this feeling.   Metaphysical, existential even.  It’s like speaking a language when the experience exists outside communication.  But I’m going to try. I’d like to believe that instilled within all of us is a detector for that which is especially captivating.   Moments and experiences that are so filled with love and beauty that it evokes unexplained emotions. Some call the experience a spiritual one.   Actually, most people probably do.  […]

Depression for an a-theist

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the godless side

There is pressure, maybe we all feel it, to present a strength to the world.  That you are strong.  That either your life is so good it’s worth envying, or it’s so hard that we should all admire your strength within it.  That there is an inner force within oneself, a strong one, that knows things.  That figures them out.  That is the teacher and the student.  We applaud the successes or the authenticity in […]

Religion costs me $75 per week + all my tears

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the godless side / the post-God side

My emotional and mental struggles were a bit too convoluted to solve on my own, so I started seeing a therapist several months ago.  I see him almost weekly because of the depths of entanglement within me.  His evidence-based approach is refreshing, as he uses science, physiology of the brain and brain chemistry, and research-based methods from years of experience and studies to give useful solutions.  There are reasons, there are answers, and there are […]

Disclaimer – I’m not a Hater

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the godless side / the post-God side

I use this blog as an outlet for reflecting on passions, angers, enlightenments that I wouldn’t be able to share anywhere else.  Because of that, the personality of Teal is isn’t a complete representation of who I am in real life. I want to remind you (especially a very select real-life friends of mine who have access to this site, and of those, especially the ones that are Christian), that I am not a bitter, saddened, hurt […]

Is life a Miracle?

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leaving Christianity / the godless side / the post-God side

Christians love to talk about the miracle of life.  In fact, I associated this feeling of specialness and self-importance with Christianity itself, assuming this religion held the monopoly on having purpose, being chosen, one-of-a-kind, rare, and entirely unique.  This correlation continued into my unbelief and contributed largely to my feeling of disconnect, unimportance, aloneness, and a deep despair due to my constant what’s-the-point thinking. Apart from being angering at the (hopefully) unintentional manipulation of religion […]

Difficult.

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the godless side / the post-God side

It’s been over a month since my last post.  I think that’s the longest stretch since I started this blog.  Let my silence be a demonstration of the difficulties life can be.  I want to say, “for people who lose faith,” but I think it’s so much more complex than that — and everyone goes through hard stuff. I’ve spoken many times throughout my posts about the newness of freedom and life and joy I […]

Death of baby.

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the post-God side

My husband’s best friend and the best man in our wedding lost his 15 month girl a couple days ago.  The funeral is in the morning.  She was accidentally ran over in their driveway by her mother’s sister.  It’s been a tragic few days. With a baby girl of our own, this death has hit close to home and grieves us while simultaneously causing us to cherish our own even more dearly.  Thinking about death and […]

The greatest disease: Gratefulness

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the post-God side

Gratefulness is contagious guys.  Make it part of you, and it will change your life!!  DO IT! When I first started writing my list of 27 great things about the past year, it was difficult for my to think of any more than just a few.  Discouraging at first, I racked my brain for what good things could come from such a hard year.  But once my brain ignited the engine of gratefulness, it hasn’t […]