All posts tagged: God

Proof god isn’t all-powerful

comments 3
the Christian side / the godless side

I was wrong. God wasn’t the deepest source of the mountains of shit of dysfunction that have scarred over my psychological and emotional being, that have destroyed all examples of healthy relationships and healthy boundaries in my life.  There is one deeper. My husband and I are starting from scratch in so many ways in our lives right now, and I always just assumed that the extreme, irrational emotions during our periodic fighting was the […]

Depression for an a-theist

comments 19
the godless side

There is pressure, maybe we all feel it, to present a strength to the world.  That you are strong.  That either your life is so good it’s worth envying, or it’s so hard that we should all admire your strength within it.  That there is an inner force within oneself, a strong one, that knows things.  That figures them out.  That is the teacher and the student.  We applaud the successes or the authenticity in […]

Christianity is evil. Get it OUT.

comments 10
leaving Christianity / the godless side

(Cont’d from previous post) My cheeks burn and my heart pounds with rage.  I seriously just spent the last 15 minutes screaming, “F*** YOU God!!  F*** YOU!!”  Words I never, ever thought I would say. He didn’t hear me.  There isn’t a he or a she or an it that exists to have heard me.  But I heard myself.  The me that believed for so many years.  The me that was emotionally and psychologically abused and […]

Mystery Revealed: God’s Voice

comments 3
the godless side

I know I’ve mentioned many times that Christians claim ownership over circumstances that I’ve now discovered to be widely universal, but yet another dawned on me today. There are many terms for this experience, :… Prayer Time.  God time. Prayer Closet.  Quiet time. Me time.  Alone time. Meditation.  Prayer. Chanting. Centering. Soaking. Self-hypnosis. Yoga. Retreat. Solace. Solitude.  (Aaaaand probably infinitely more that I haven’t experienced myself.) …but the result is the same (sorry Christians, you […]

Is life a Miracle?

comments 4
leaving Christianity / the godless side / the post-God side

Christians love to talk about the miracle of life.  In fact, I associated this feeling of specialness and self-importance with Christianity itself, assuming this religion held the monopoly on having purpose, being chosen, one-of-a-kind, rare, and entirely unique.  This correlation continued into my unbelief and contributed largely to my feeling of disconnect, unimportance, aloneness, and a deep despair due to my constant what’s-the-point thinking. Apart from being angering at the (hopefully) unintentional manipulation of religion […]

Trigger. My Past Abusive Relationship/s.

comments 12
leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

(Disclaimer upon finishing: I didn’t plan to write this.  I planned to write something else entirely, but after writing this first paragraph, something horrible clicked in my mind and I couldn’t stop it) : I was once in an abusive relationship.  This person was in authority over me and a leader in my church.  And this relationship controlled my every move, from who I spent time with, to how long I studied, to my future […]

I’m so lost.

comments 11
the godless side

Sometimes I write from a positive perspective because it helps me stay afloat, reminds me to keep my eyes up, and gives me some sort of a sense of hope.  I talk about freedom, newness.  But to be honest, life does not feel very hopeful.  I’m overwhelmed and lost much of the time.  I’m hellbound for eternity and purposeless on earth.  How can I be found?! Several nights this week I’ve cried myself to sleep.  I cleaned […]

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down.

comments 7
leaving Christianity / the godless side

Every bone in my face throbs.  My sinuses ache from the pressure of the tears.  My eyes, swollen and sticky.   This has been the worst night of my entire life. Can you really believe that?  Can I? Is this real?  Such a declarative, superlative statement.  “Worst night” and “entire life.”  Exaggerating? I’ve got to be kidding.  Please, let me be kidding. Honestly, I can think that only the death of my husband or baby […]

The God Shelf. Why I could believe but don’t.

comments 12
the godless side

We ate lunch with a friend of ours who pastors a church in a nearby county.  Silver already told him a couple weeks ago about our unbelief, so the pressure was off.  Although he still considered us friends, his perspective about us and our belief was condescending and demeaning.  In his mind, our atheism made sense because the god we believed in before wasn’t the true god, wasn’t his god.  He wouldn’t listen to us […]