All posts tagged: depression

The Secret to My Happiness

comments 4
the post-God side

In my journey, I’ve lived through high-stress major-life challenges, as many of us have.  Some learn to cope better with others, but like many, anxiety ramped up in my late twenties – now 30- and became the go-to reaction that I’ve been learning to navigate and combat in these last few years. Some key tools for calming anxiety and finding happiness are: 1. Mindfulness (noticing the details around you, engaging your senses, and then appreciating […]

Proof god isn’t all-powerful

comments 3
the Christian side / the godless side

I was wrong. God wasn’t the deepest source of the mountains of shit of dysfunction that have scarred over my psychological and emotional being, that have destroyed all examples of healthy relationships and healthy boundaries in my life.  There is one deeper. My husband and I are starting from scratch in so many ways in our lives right now, and I always just assumed that the extreme, irrational emotions during our periodic fighting was the […]

Depression for an a-theist

comments 19
the godless side

There is pressure, maybe we all feel it, to present a strength to the world.  That you are strong.  That either your life is so good it’s worth envying, or it’s so hard that we should all admire your strength within it.  That there is an inner force within oneself, a strong one, that knows things.  That figures them out.  That is the teacher and the student.  We applaud the successes or the authenticity in […]

Maybe god actually brought joy

comments 10
the godless side

Sometimes my experience of my life is heart-achingly sad.  It’s been over 2.5 years that I’ve been godless, and, despite my “enlightenment,” consistently I find that it is very difficult to find joy. According to the bible, the following are the result of the holy spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.” Contrary to Christian teaching, I’ve found that without the spirit of god in my life, there is now MORE […]

Difficult.

comments 3
the godless side / the post-God side

It’s been over a month since my last post.  I think that’s the longest stretch since I started this blog.  Let my silence be a demonstration of the difficulties life can be.  I want to say, “for people who lose faith,” but I think it’s so much more complex than that — and everyone goes through hard stuff. I’ve spoken many times throughout my posts about the newness of freedom and life and joy I […]

I’m so lost.

comments 11
the godless side

Sometimes I write from a positive perspective because it helps me stay afloat, reminds me to keep my eyes up, and gives me some sort of a sense of hope.  I talk about freedom, newness.  But to be honest, life does not feel very hopeful.  I’m overwhelmed and lost much of the time.  I’m hellbound for eternity and purposeless on earth.  How can I be found?! Several nights this week I’ve cried myself to sleep.  I cleaned […]

13 Months. The hardest year I will ever face. (*fingers crossed*)

comments 3
leaving Christianity

It’s been a hard year.  I’ve dealt with several major life changes (moving overseas, losing faith, having a change in my very worldview, and having a baby) along with extreme psychological and emotional strains (Seasonal Affect Disorder, Postpartum Depression, and coming out to my family feeling a total void of support from them).  Allow me to collect my thoughts and present some order to the chaos as I briefly sort it out. Months 1-3: Our overseas […]