All posts tagged: church

Lives ARE changed by Jesus. How?

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side

Patterns in our brain our formed when our conscious thoughts take root into our subconscious.  In other words, when we do, say, or think things intentionally that we are aware of often enough that they then become part of us when we aren’t readily aware of them. How?  By spending intentional time in various activities that solidify thought patterns in our conscious mind that then create new brain pathways, and those pathways are solidified through […]

Religion costs me $75 per week + all my tears

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the godless side / the post-God side

My emotional and mental struggles were a bit too convoluted to solve on my own, so I started seeing a therapist several months ago.  I see him almost weekly because of the depths of entanglement within me.  His evidence-based approach is refreshing, as he uses science, physiology of the brain and brain chemistry, and research-based methods from years of experience and studies to give useful solutions.  There are reasons, there are answers, and there are […]

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

A lie that nearly ruined me.

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the godless side

We attended a local Evangelical Christian church service on Sunday. My husband likes to check out some of the local churches to find some sort of sense of structure and community. I go to see from a new perspective what used to make up the very foundation of my life. The last time I attended this particular church, I was in silent tears the majority of the service. I had very recently lost faith in […]

Rage at manipulation. Unbelief and my business start-up.

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the godless side / the post-God side

For my birthday this year (end of September), my husband gave me a cabinet full of tea from a name-brand loose-leaf tea place in the mall.  Always delicious, but very expensive, so naturally his gift surprised and elated me.  I finished my first freshly-brewed cup at home cuddled underneath blankets and looked into the tea dispenser at the remains. “Hm, that doesn’t look like a Kiwi.  That looks like an apple,” I thought about the […]

Trigger. My Past Abusive Relationship/s.

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

(Disclaimer upon finishing: I didn’t plan to write this.  I planned to write something else entirely, but after writing this first paragraph, something horrible clicked in my mind and I couldn’t stop it) : I was once in an abusive relationship.  This person was in authority over me and a leader in my church.  And this relationship controlled my every move, from who I spent time with, to how long I studied, to my future […]

The UU Church, severe anxiety, and a kind of prostitution.

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the Christian side

This afternoon we visited a local Unitarian Universalist church.  The people were very friendly, the message was compelling and soulfully good, and I loved the surrounding stained glass windows. But I felt a strange anxiety creeping onto me throughout the service, increasing during the shared dinner following, and overwhelming me on the drive home.  What is this?? After some self-analysis, I realized that my psyche compared today’s experience with my Christian past in which I was […]

Thank you, pastor’s wife, for giving me back my Dignity.

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the godless side

My pastor’s wife and I went for a walk this weekend.  Her words refreshed me more than anything anyone has said in a long, long time.  Why?  Because someone who we’ve “come out to” still affirms my value and worth, even from somewhat of a position of leadership over me.  (I say somewhat because we still consider that church to be our home church, as much as a church could be, because many of our […]

Church for the godless? Sacred space for atheists?

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the godless side / Uncategorized

Church starts in the morning, in a few hours.  I’m not sure if we will be going or not– our motivations are no longer to please a god we don’t believe in or to feel righteous or even for fellowship as we are on such different pages from our church family now.  We still feel a bit obligated to go for our friends’ sake who don’t know we are unbelievers– gah. But, there is something […]