All posts tagged: christian

I may not believe in the spiritual, but I believe in the Holy

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the godless side / the post-God side

(Written while listening to this song if you want to listen too and get a little more in my head space). After working yesterday close to the coast, I drove 15 minutes up to the most beautiful place on earth (IMO), Ecola State Park on the Oregon Coast.. Without my children, without my husband, without my phone, I could disengage undistractedly as I stood on the edge of eternity.  The brilliant sun, the roaring ocean.  […]

Lives ARE changed by Jesus. How?

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side

Patterns in our brain our formed when our conscious thoughts take root into our subconscious.  In other words, when we do, say, or think things intentionally that we are aware of often enough that they then become part of us when we aren’t readily aware of them. How?  By spending intentional time in various activities that solidify thought patterns in our conscious mind that then create new brain pathways, and those pathways are solidified through […]

Religion almost ruined my marriage

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the godless side / the post-God side

When two people live together, conflict arises.  And I’m not talking about the harsh, difficult conflict that comes with arguing, I’m talking about a gentle conflict.  Just the collision of two people.  Preferences that are different.  Or desires about the behavior of another because of the way it affects the self.  This conflict comes up continually as our lives brush up with one another’s. Shared space is almost synonymous with this kind of conflict.  One […]

Religion costs me $75 per week + all my tears

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the godless side / the post-God side

My emotional and mental struggles were a bit too convoluted to solve on my own, so I started seeing a therapist several months ago.  I see him almost weekly because of the depths of entanglement within me.  His evidence-based approach is refreshing, as he uses science, physiology of the brain and brain chemistry, and research-based methods from years of experience and studies to give useful solutions.  There are reasons, there are answers, and there are […]

Disclaimer – I’m not a Hater

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the godless side / the post-God side

I use this blog as an outlet for reflecting on passions, angers, enlightenments that I wouldn’t be able to share anywhere else.  Because of that, the personality of Teal is isn’t a complete representation of who I am in real life. I want to remind you (especially a very select real-life friends of mine who have access to this site, and of those, especially the ones that are Christian), that I am not a bitter, saddened, hurt […]

Maybe god actually brought joy

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the godless side

Sometimes my experience of my life is heart-achingly sad.  It’s been over 2.5 years that I’ve been godless, and, despite my “enlightenment,” consistently I find that it is very difficult to find joy. According to the bible, the following are the result of the holy spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.” Contrary to Christian teaching, I’ve found that without the spirit of god in my life, there is now MORE […]

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

Christianity, not atheism, has broken my family.

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the godless side / Uncategorized

I don’t want to spend any more energy on this than I already have, but I need a place to express frustration with my sister. For the first time ever in our lives, she didn’t call me to wish me a Merry Christmas.  Or answered my call when I tried to call her. Both Silver and I received “Christmas” cards from her and her family (husband and kids) in the mail.  But she was very […]

Christmas for an a-theist

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the godless side / Uncategorized

Freshness.  Reflection.  Hope.  Celebration. This is what Christmas is to me now. Freshness comes with cleansing.  Before the rebirth, things must first die.  But beautifully, wholly, like the snow-covered mountains painted across our horizons in the west.  But instead of focusing on the presently hidden nature of life, I see it as a promise of what’s to come. Last Christmas was our second one as atheists.  The first?  Stifling, meaningless, tragic.  But I was beginning […]

I still like praying before a meal

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the godless side

Eating a quiet, incredibly delicious meal all by myself at a local restaurant and pondering about the beautiful community of people required to produce it. I would like to say thank you. Thank you to the server who brought it to me. To the chef who displayed the food so artistically, using bits of finely chopped up carrot and parsley to confetti the outside of my plate. To the cooks who grilled the chicken, chopped […]