All posts tagged: abuse

Religion almost ruined my marriage

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the godless side / the post-God side

When two people live together, conflict arises.  And I’m not talking about the harsh, difficult conflict that comes with arguing, I’m talking about a gentle conflict.  Just the collision of two people.  Preferences that are different.  Or desires about the behavior of another because of the way it affects the self.  This conflict comes up continually as our lives brush up with one another’s. Shared space is almost synonymous with this kind of conflict.  One […]

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

Christianity is evil. Get it OUT.

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leaving Christianity / the godless side

(Cont’d from previous post) My cheeks burn and my heart pounds with rage.  I seriously just spent the last 15 minutes screaming, “F*** YOU God!!  F*** YOU!!”  Words I never, ever thought I would say. He didn’t hear me.  There isn’t a he or a she or an it that exists to have heard me.  But I heard myself.  The me that believed for so many years.  The me that was emotionally and psychologically abused and […]

Catholic Clergy Abuse of Children.

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the godless side

A movie released this past November.  96% movie critics’ rating.  Well done Racheal McAdams.  Very well done Mark Ruffalo and Michael Keaton.  But the worst part about this movie was also its best — based on real facts of a real story.  Here’s Rotten Tomatoes’ summary: “SPOTLIGHT tells the riveting true story of the Pulitzer Prize-winning Boston Globe investigation that would…cause a crisis in one of the world’s oldest and most trusted institutions…abuse in the Catholic […]

Rage at manipulation. Unbelief and my business start-up.

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the godless side / the post-God side

For my birthday this year (end of September), my husband gave me a cabinet full of tea from a name-brand loose-leaf tea place in the mall.  Always delicious, but very expensive, so naturally his gift surprised and elated me.  I finished my first freshly-brewed cup at home cuddled underneath blankets and looked into the tea dispenser at the remains. “Hm, that doesn’t look like a Kiwi.  That looks like an apple,” I thought about the […]

i DIDN’T kill my parents.

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the godless side / the post-God side

I’ve had two good friends in the last 2 weeks “come out” to their very religious families as no longer believing in God. As each read me the words they chose to speak to their respective families, memories of the horror I felt when I came out surged through me again, haunting me with feeling crippled by guilt for killing my parents and creating a chasm in my relationship with my sister.  But I was […]

Trigger. My Past Abusive Relationship/s.

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

(Disclaimer upon finishing: I didn’t plan to write this.  I planned to write something else entirely, but after writing this first paragraph, something horrible clicked in my mind and I couldn’t stop it) : I was once in an abusive relationship.  This person was in authority over me and a leader in my church.  And this relationship controlled my every move, from who I spent time with, to how long I studied, to my future […]

The UU Church, severe anxiety, and a kind of prostitution.

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the Christian side

This afternoon we visited a local Unitarian Universalist church.  The people were very friendly, the message was compelling and soulfully good, and I loved the surrounding stained glass windows. But I felt a strange anxiety creeping onto me throughout the service, increasing during the shared dinner following, and overwhelming me on the drive home.  What is this?? After some self-analysis, I realized that my psyche compared today’s experience with my Christian past in which I was […]

I don’t believe in God, but I believe in this word from him.

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leaving Christianity / the godless side

A friend of mine told me “a word from the Lord” that she had for me.  She doesn’t yet know about my unbelief, but she was at least minimally aware of some difficulties we’ve had in telling others our decision not to return to the overseas mission field. “God is saying that your entire life, you’ve dictated your actions based on what other people would think of you, based on their expectations of you, and […]