All posts filed under: Uncategorized


comments 3
leaving Christianity / the godless side / Uncategorized

I talked to my mom today on the phone for several minutes.  This doesn’t happen that often, and whenever we end the conversation, I remember why. It usually isn’t just one thing, and today was no different. “I just loved the video you posted on Facebook of Purple* [our 6 month old baby girl] laughing!  She sure is filling out though.  Quite chubby! It’ll be okay, as she gets older she’ll thin out,” my mother […]

Christianity, not atheism, has broken my family.

comments 15
the godless side / Uncategorized

I don’t want to spend any more energy on this than I already have, but I need a place to express frustration with my sister. For the first time ever in our lives, she didn’t call me to wish me a Merry Christmas.  Or answered my call when I tried to call her. Both Silver and I received “Christmas” cards from her and her family (husband and kids) in the mail.  But she was very […]

I can’t believe what just happened. Or some other click bait. Because THIS.

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the godless side / the post-God side / Uncategorized

I’m still sweating.  That kind of nervousness that lightly gathers on your forearm, the back of your neck, your upper lip.  That kind that is preceded by a hot wave reddening your cheeks and followed by a large unsettling sickness in your belly causing your heart to race and fingers to shake. My husband comes from a fundamentalist Mormon (polygamist) sect.  We are spending Christmas with them.  And every night, their family gathers in a circle […]

Christmas for an a-theist

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the godless side / Uncategorized

Freshness.  Reflection.  Hope.  Celebration. This is what Christmas is to me now. Freshness comes with cleansing.  Before the rebirth, things must first die.  But beautifully, wholly, like the snow-covered mountains painted across our horizons in the west.  But instead of focusing on the presently hidden nature of life, I see it as a promise of what’s to come. Last Christmas was our second one as atheists.  The first?  Stifling, meaningless, tragic.  But I was beginning […]

Damned by a Tattoo

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the godless side / Uncategorized

I have worn eyeliner most days of my life for the past 15 years, and I started years before that (when I was somewhere between 3 and 7!) because of dance competitions and recitals. Although I no longer feel dependent upon eye makeup due to development in my security in myself, I still prefer the way I look with it on.  Three problems with eyeliner: Time.  Toddlers. Smudging. As a mom of two babes and […]

God’s Not Dead. He’s Surely Alive.

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Wait… what?? Do I suddenly believe in God again? Yes. Well, kind of.   I just had an amazing experience tonight.  Let’s say I now identify as a Pentecostal Atheist. ??? Back up 4 years, the most Pentecostal/Charismatic time of my life.  I was incredibly filled with Joy and the Power of God (as I called it then).  I “operated in the gifts of the Spirit” daily.  Meaning — I was so “in tune” with […]

My “Science” of Spiritual Encounters

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the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side / Uncategorized

True science has more than one case study and more than just a few observations.  But for now, this is my best attempt at observational recordings of what I have experienced that could have been explained as being “spiritual.” (1) Kansas City International House of Prayer, 2011, as an Evangelical Pentecostal Christian.  Extremely charismatic, gifts of the spirit, other-worldly.  Filled with the Holy Spirit constantly through the whole conference.  Prophecies, by and for me.  Healings, […]

Baby’s Funeral Part 3. Means vs Ends. Thoreau.

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Surprisingly, the most tragic part of the funeral was not the death of this baby girl but her life –or rather, how her father spent his life during her short one.  For the entire time that I’ve know Gavin (my husband’s best friend and the baby’s father), he has been in process of becoming a doctor.   During the funeral, he spoke at the pulpit, with a passionate and justified anger: “I won’t swear, but because […]

27 Things. Happy Birthday to Me

comments 2
the post-God side / Uncategorized

Today, I turn 27.  Last year, today, I was in a busy market in downtown Manila picking out souvenirs for our family back home in America, desperately trying to hurry as my husband herniated a disc and could barely move.  He wouldn’t have at all, except that it was my birthday and he wanted to buy me some local pearls to lift my spirits from an otherwise overwhelming few months. The year that followed was […]

Freedom is always worth it.

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Freedom is always worth it. I go to sleep in peace tonight with a feeling of authenticity I haven’t experienced in a long, long time. “Thank you God for everything you gave me this weekend, restoring my sense of worth.” I would pray that tonight if I believed Someone listened. Instead, I just sleep in gratefulness and a renewed vitality. It’s truly been over a year I’ve felt robbed of this. Specifics in the morning. […]