All posts filed under: the post-God side

I may not believe in the spiritual, but I believe in the Holy

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the godless side / the post-God side

(Written while listening to this song if you want to listen too and get a little more in my head space). After working yesterday close to the coast, I drove 15 minutes up to the most beautiful place on earth (IMO), Ecola State Park on the Oregon Coast.. Without my children, without my husband, without my phone, I could disengage undistractedly as I stood on the edge of eternity.  The brilliant sun, the roaring ocean.  […]

Perfect is Ugly.

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the godless side / the post-God side

God was perfect.  Jesus was perfect.  And the message, over and over again, was that I am not perfect. But in order to be worthy of heaven, worthy of standing in the presence of god, worthy of LOVE,…..we had to be.  Perfect. Over and over, I learned that there were two ways of life — perfect, or not.  No in-between.  Pass or fail. And how can we live that way?  Always worried, never enough.  Never […]

Music and the existential

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the post-God side

I don’t have the words for describing this feeling.   Metaphysical, existential even.  It’s like speaking a language when the experience exists outside communication.  But I’m going to try. I’d like to believe that instilled within all of us is a detector for that which is especially captivating.   Moments and experiences that are so filled with love and beauty that it evokes unexplained emotions. Some call the experience a spiritual one.   Actually, most people probably do.  […]

A practical look at anxiety and reprogramming your brain.

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leaving Christianity / the post-God side

I’m not sure how long anxiety has been a struggle in my life because so much of it required an awareness that I didn’t have prior to a couple years ago.  But the more I was aware of the symptoms, the more I realized how crippling it was in my life. So, I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year and half now — a great therapist with over 30 years of experience and extensive […]

Religion almost ruined my marriage

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the godless side / the post-God side

When two people live together, conflict arises.  And I’m not talking about the harsh, difficult conflict that comes with arguing, I’m talking about a gentle conflict.  Just the collision of two people.  Preferences that are different.  Or desires about the behavior of another because of the way it affects the self.  This conflict comes up continually as our lives brush up with one another’s. Shared space is almost synonymous with this kind of conflict.  One […]

Religion costs me $75 per week + all my tears

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the godless side / the post-God side

My emotional and mental struggles were a bit too convoluted to solve on my own, so I started seeing a therapist several months ago.  I see him almost weekly because of the depths of entanglement within me.  His evidence-based approach is refreshing, as he uses science, physiology of the brain and brain chemistry, and research-based methods from years of experience and studies to give useful solutions.  There are reasons, there are answers, and there are […]

Disclaimer – I’m not a Hater

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the godless side / the post-God side

I use this blog as an outlet for reflecting on passions, angers, enlightenments that I wouldn’t be able to share anywhere else.  Because of that, the personality of Teal is isn’t a complete representation of who I am in real life. I want to remind you (especially a very select real-life friends of mine who have access to this site, and of those, especially the ones that are Christian), that I am not a bitter, saddened, hurt […]

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

My first real experience with alcohol

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the godless side / the post-God side

I’m 29 and I’ve never had as much alcohol as is in my system now. I just wanted to write down my observations while I felt the substance. How could anyone drive like this?? I am extremely aware of the fact that I can’t move normally.  Do people get less aware the amount that alcohol affects them the more alcohol they have? I feel clumsy and like the world around me is spinning.  My head […]

I can’t believe what just happened. Or some other click bait. Because THIS.

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the godless side / the post-God side / Uncategorized

I’m still sweating.  That kind of nervousness that lightly gathers on your forearm, the back of your neck, your upper lip.  That kind that is preceded by a hot wave reddening your cheeks and followed by a large unsettling sickness in your belly causing your heart to race and fingers to shake. My husband comes from a fundamentalist Mormon (polygamist) sect.  We are spending Christmas with them.  And every night, their family gathers in a circle […]