All posts filed under: the post-God side

Religion costs me $150 per week + all my tears

Leave a comment
the godless side / the post-God side

My emotional and mental struggles were a bit too convoluted to solve on my own, so I started seeing a therapist several months ago.  I see him almost weekly because of the depths of entanglement within me.  His evidence-based approach is refreshing, as he uses science, physiology of the brain and brain chemistry, and research-based methods from years of experience and studies to give useful solutions.  There are reasons, there are answers, and there are […]

Disclaimer – I’m not a Hater

comments 5
the godless side / the post-God side

I use this blog as an outlet for reflecting on passions, angers, enlightenments that I wouldn’t be able to share anywhere else.  Because of that, the personality of Teal is isn’t a complete representation of who I am in real life. I want to remind you (especially a very select real-life friends of mine who have access to this site, and of those, especially the ones that are Christian), that I am not a bitter, saddened, hurt […]

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

Leave a comment
leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

My first real experience with alcohol

comments 15
the godless side / the post-God side

I’m 29 and I’ve never had as much alcohol as is in my system now. I just wanted to write down my observations while I felt the substance. How could anyone drive like this?? I am extremely aware of the fact that I can’t move normally.  Do people get less aware the amount that alcohol affects them the more alcohol they have? I feel clumsy and like the world around me is spinning.  My head […]

I can’t believe what just happened. Or some other click bait. Because THIS.

comments 11
the godless side / the post-God side / Uncategorized

I’m still sweating.  That kind of nervousness that lightly gathers on your forearm, the back of your neck, your upper lip.  That kind that is preceded by a hot wave reddening your cheeks and followed by a large unsettling sickness in your belly causing your heart to race and fingers to shake. My husband comes from a fundamentalist Mormon (polygamist) sect.  We are spending Christmas with them.  And every night, their family gathers in a circle […]

Is life a Miracle?

comments 4
leaving Christianity / the godless side / the post-God side

Christians love to talk about the miracle of life.  In fact, I associated this feeling of specialness and self-importance with Christianity itself, assuming this religion held the monopoly on having purpose, being chosen, one-of-a-kind, rare, and entirely unique.  This correlation continued into my unbelief and contributed largely to my feeling of disconnect, unimportance, aloneness, and a deep despair due to my constant what’s-the-point thinking. Apart from being angering at the (hopefully) unintentional manipulation of religion […]

Cure to the Curse of Eve.

comments 4
the post-God side

I wrote a blog post a couple months ago titled “The Curse of Eve.”  In it I wrestle with my struggle of being a creative woman with ambition while trying to be a good mother and yet feeling totally torn between my evolutionary biology and feminist worldview. But I think I solved the problem guys.  Here’s what we’ve been missing: Community. Western society is completely individualized and isolates each separate nuclear family from the rest […]

Religious differences didn’t break up my family.

comments 4
the godless side / the post-God side

Compared to last year, my parents’ visit this time around was phenomenal.  That word is strong, but it is contrasted with the worst week I have experienced. I was actually pretty shocked at how gracious and loving my parents were this year.  They spent 2.5 weeks here with us and stated their main purpose was twofold (1) to see us, of course, and (2) to do whatever they could to help us with our startup […]

The Second Coming of my Parents

Leave a comment
the godless side / the post-God side

The end of last summer was the hardest of my life.  I blogged a lot about this and the extreme emotion difficulties of coming out to my parents, their reaction, and their subsequent visit to Utah where we live.  It was horrible, dysfunctional, silent but deadly, and completely disheartening and chaotic when any words did emerge. It’s been almost a year since then, a year since I’ve seen them, a year since I chased them […]

Difficult.

comments 3
the godless side / the post-God side

It’s been over a month since my last post.  I think that’s the longest stretch since I started this blog.  Let my silence be a demonstration of the difficulties life can be.  I want to say, “for people who lose faith,” but I think it’s so much more complex than that — and everyone goes through hard stuff. I’ve spoken many times throughout my posts about the newness of freedom and life and joy I […]