All posts filed under: the Christian side

Dear Pastor’s Wife.. (and deep mother wounds)

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

I wrote this letter a few days ago when I had some open-ended downtime allowing for the emotions to come forth.  I haven’t mailed it yet. Caroline* was my pastor’s wife during the church I attended from childhood through adulthood.  A mentor during tough times, a shoulder to cry on, a gentle support in times of need, she filled a role of mother in my life that I desperately needed during my teen and young adult […]

My “Science” of Spiritual Encounters

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the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side / Uncategorized

True science has more than one case study and more than just a few observations.  But for now, this is my best attempt at observational recordings of what I have experienced that could have been explained as being “spiritual.” (1) Kansas City International House of Prayer, 2011, as an Evangelical Pentecostal Christian.  Extremely charismatic, gifts of the spirit, other-worldly.  Filled with the Holy Spirit constantly through the whole conference.  Prophecies, by and for me.  Healings, […]

Trigger. My Past Abusive Relationship/s.

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side / the godless side / the post-God side

(Disclaimer upon finishing: I didn’t plan to write this.  I planned to write something else entirely, but after writing this first paragraph, something horrible clicked in my mind and I couldn’t stop it) : I was once in an abusive relationship.  This person was in authority over me and a leader in my church.  And this relationship controlled my every move, from who I spent time with, to how long I studied, to my future […]

The UU Church, severe anxiety, and a kind of prostitution.

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the Christian side

This afternoon we visited a local Unitarian Universalist church.  The people were very friendly, the message was compelling and soulfully good, and I loved the surrounding stained glass windows. But I felt a strange anxiety creeping onto me throughout the service, increasing during the shared dinner following, and overwhelming me on the drive home.  What is this?? After some self-analysis, I realized that my psyche compared today’s experience with my Christian past in which I was […]

5th Grade Cafeteria

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the Christian side

I’ve been a staunch Christian since I was born. My previous post explains how central my faith was to my life. An academic by nature, I read as much as I could and I backed my faith with every written word. Elementary school, I ate up the Left Behind series like it was nobody’s business. My fascination with the rapture carried over into my Scripture studies, and I think I read the book of Revelation […]

Entering the Closet

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the Christian side

Passion for Christ was an understatement – my relationship with Him was everything.  Everything.  He was my motivation for life, for death.  For making healthy choices, for becoming the most solid, well-rounded, compassionate person I could be.  He was the Fire that refined me and the spring water that cooled me.  He was the Sunlight that grew me and the fragrant grass in which I rested.  He was my Shepherd, my Teacher, my Guide, my […]