Author: tealtomato

Identity in Christ = Worthlessness

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the godless side

Finding your identity in Christ… This was a message spoken to me day-to-day, week-to-week for decades.  It was about my self-worth, and my need to find it in another entity.  What does that mean when that entity disappears from your psyche by disbelief in his existence?  It means your worth disappears along with it. My worth, as a human, inherently and intrinsically, was always nothing.  I was only valuable through the eyes of god, who […]

The Secret to My Happiness

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the post-God side

In my journey, I’ve lived through high-stress major-life challenges, as many of us have.  Some learn to cope better with others, but like many, anxiety ramped up in my late twenties – now 30- and became the go-to reaction that I’ve been learning to navigate and combat in these last few years. Some key tools for calming anxiety and finding happiness are: 1. Mindfulness (noticing the details around you, engaging your senses, and then appreciating […]

I may not believe in the spiritual, but I believe in the Holy

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the godless side / the post-God side

(Written while listening to this song if you want to listen too and get a little more in my head space). After working yesterday close to the coast, I drove 15 minutes up to the most beautiful place on earth (IMO), Ecola State Park on the Oregon Coast.. Without my children, without my husband, without my phone, I could disengage undistractedly as I stood on the edge of eternity.  The brilliant sun, the roaring ocean.  […]

Perfect is Ugly.

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the godless side / the post-God side

God was perfect.  Jesus was perfect.  And the message, over and over again, was that I am not perfect. But in order to be worthy of heaven, worthy of standing in the presence of god, worthy of LOVE,…..we had to be.  Perfect. Over and over, I learned that there were two ways of life — perfect, or not.  No in-between.  Pass or fail. And how can we live that way?  Always worried, never enough.  Never […]

Music and the existential

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the post-God side

I don’t have the words for describing this feeling.   Metaphysical, existential even.  It’s like speaking a language when the experience exists outside communication.  But I’m going to try. I’d like to believe that instilled within all of us is a detector for that which is especially captivating.   Moments and experiences that are so filled with love and beauty that it evokes unexplained emotions. Some call the experience a spiritual one.   Actually, most people probably do.  […]

A practical look at anxiety and reprogramming your brain.

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leaving Christianity / the post-God side

I’m not sure how long anxiety has been a struggle in my life because so much of it required an awareness that I didn’t have prior to a couple years ago.  But the more I was aware of the symptoms, the more I realized how crippling it was in my life. So, I’ve been seeing a therapist for a year and half now — a great therapist with over 30 years of experience and extensive […]

Lives ARE changed by Jesus. How?

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leaving Christianity / the Christian side

Patterns in our brain our formed when our conscious thoughts take root into our subconscious.  In other words, when we do, say, or think things intentionally that we are aware of often enough that they then become part of us when we aren’t readily aware of them. How?  By spending intentional time in various activities that solidify thought patterns in our conscious mind that then create new brain pathways, and those pathways are solidified through […]

Religion almost ruined my marriage

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the godless side / the post-God side

When two people live together, conflict arises.  And I’m not talking about the harsh, difficult conflict that comes with arguing, I’m talking about a gentle conflict.  Just the collision of two people.  Preferences that are different.  Or desires about the behavior of another because of the way it affects the self.  This conflict comes up continually as our lives brush up with one another’s. Shared space is almost synonymous with this kind of conflict.  One […]

Proof god isn’t all-powerful

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the Christian side / the godless side

I was wrong. God wasn’t the deepest source of the mountains of shit of dysfunction that have scarred over my psychological and emotional being, that have destroyed all examples of healthy relationships and healthy boundaries in my life.  There is one deeper. My husband and I are starting from scratch in so many ways in our lives right now, and I always just assumed that the extreme, irrational emotions during our periodic fighting was the […]

Depression for an a-theist

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the godless side

There is pressure, maybe we all feel it, to present a strength to the world.  That you are strong.  That either your life is so good it’s worth envying, or it’s so hard that we should all admire your strength within it.  That there is an inner force within oneself, a strong one, that knows things.  That figures them out.  That is the teacher and the student.  We applaud the successes or the authenticity in […]