Christianity is evil. Get it OUT.

comments 10
leaving Christianity / the godless side

(Cont’d from previous post)

My cheeks burn and my heart pounds with rage.  I seriously just spent the last 15 minutes screaming, “F*** YOU God!!  F*** YOU!!”  Words I never, ever thought I would say.

He didn’t hear me.  There isn’t a he or a she or an it that exists to have heard me.  But I heard myself.  The me that believed for so many years.  The me that was emotionally and psychologically abused and scarred by god, by Christianity’s idea of god.  And those are the only ears that matter.  My hot cheeks, the only witness to my hot tears.  The nerves in my hands the only witness to my pounding fists against the carpet.  But the anger was there, deeply rotting for years in whatever chemicals of a soul I have, and it had to speak.

Not at all coincidentally, the only other time I felt this way was when I had a clear head about what happened to me in my teens.  A leader in my church abused me.  Abuse.  That word had clicked in my mind years ago causing a cascade of anger and hatred to erupt into physical manifestations.

And here we are again.

For those of you who are Christian and think I must be delusional (because cognitive dissonance has to give you a reason to think I must be wrong), I want you to read the following as if it were written by an older, divorced man who started dating a younger woman.  Would we ever, ever in our right minds think that this is okay?  That this is healthy?  For anyone?

God to us:

“You’re not enough.  You should be dead.  You should burn.  You are a horrible person.  There is so much evil in you.  You are evil.  Don’t trust yourself.  Don’t trust your emotions. Don’t trust your judgement.  It isn’t good enough, it could be evil and most likely is.  You will ruin yourself.  And everyone and everything around you.

“But don’t worry, just be in relationship with me.  Then it’ll get better.  You’ll get better.  Then you can say you’re sorry as often as you want!   And as long as you do so often enough and really actually be sorry, then I’ll let you be close to me.  Basically, you should just be in a constant state of sorry.  Because everything you do is covered by your stench of evil sin, so I have to go back over it and smear my son’s blood all over it to cover up the horrible smell that is you.

“But don’t worry, as long as you stay close to me, you will have total access to that blood.  You can cover yourself with it.  All the time.  Actually, you just should cover yourself with it  constantly so that I don’t see you, so that I can just see my son.  See, my son I love.  And you should try to be just like him.  Because he’s the only thing that matters.  You don’t really matter.  I mean, you matter enough to be a prop for my son.  You make a great prop!  Sometimes.  As long as you don’t stop propping and start being yourself.  The best way to be a prop is to just empty yourself of everything that makes you you, and fill it up with my son.  Be him.  He’s better at everything.  You only bring destruction, he brings life.

“But omg, YOU killed my son?? How could you??  You horrible, horrible person!! You were among the crowd that killed him!!  He was the most pure thing EVER.  And you killed him?!?! Be sorry! Be sorry for that!!

“Lucky for you, not even death could hold him down.  He defeated your killing of him so now both his death and his life can cover your despicable life that should be death.

“But if you just keep being sorry all the time, and tell everyone else they should be sorry all the time, and tell everyone else to come closer to me so I can smear the blood of my son all over them too, then you can live forever with me when you die!  Yay!  Now, go thank me for this.  Thank me a lot.  Make it all about me, not about you.  At all.  Just keep thanking me over and over again.  Be sorry.  To me.  Be thankful. To me.  Then you should be good.. or, not you, never you, but you could maybe have enough of my son’s blood that you are kind of good enough now.

“Remember, less of you.  More of me.  Forever and ever.”

This is exactly what Christianity teaches is followers.  Almost verbatim.  At least every church, school, service, denomination, conversation, etc. etc. that I have ever been a part of.  This is atonement.  This is abuse.

Instead of praising ourselves (or worse, God), that our 3 year olds are praying for forgiveness, we should be shuddering and doing everything in our power to keep this nasty, horribly abusive doctrine from spreading.  Keep Christianity out of my home.  Out of my schools.  Out of society.  Keep this disease as far away from us as possible.  It is, ironically, the death of us.

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The Author

I'm a closet atheist christian missionary. Paradigm shifts happen frequently for those who allow themselves to think critically about currently held beliefs and openly about new ones. I’ve developed the skill, or perhaps addiction, for change but the community around me is slow to catch up -- and would damn me if they knew where I stood.

10 Comments

  1. Stephanie says

    I am SO sorry for all the pain you are going through. I have not known this god you speak against so vehemently, but he sounds terrible. I think this religion you have known is abusive and manipulative and it seems to prey upon the weak.

    I am not a fan of religion. It demands control and does not show love except to appear loving from the outside.

    But…I know a God who tells me I am good enough and who loves me as a mother loves her child. He does not blame me or stop loving me when I make bad choices, in the exact same way I don’t stop loving my sons (who are teenagers) when they make mistakes. It hurts me when they suffer and I believe my God hurts when I am suffering. My God doesn’t care if I go to church or drink wine or swear at him–because he loves me and that stuff doesn’t matter. Maybe God doesn’t exist for you anymore, but for me, God is not what you are portraying or what you have experienced.

    With all the pain in the world, I can’t give up on my God. He is not a disease or a villain or a figment of my imagination. I may have shared this verse before, when I was ready to give up on God Ephesians 5:1-2 from the message changed my mind. It says this: ” watch what God does, and then you do it like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” THIS is true Christianity–it is in short supply in our world.

    Maybe you will never agree with me, I’m sure there are plenty who will not, but I get your blog posts in my email inbox, and this one I felt like needed a response. I feel your pain, I really do, and I’m sorry for the hurt that has been dealt to you. I think the anger and blame you are expressing should be directed at a faulty religion that portrays god like a monster; my God isn’t like that, I wish you could know him.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Stephanie says

        Thank you for the link, I wasn’t trying to be an ass about this, and I’m sorry it came across that way. I read this blog regularly because I can relate to much of what Teal writes. I think there are exceptions to “christianity is evil” and I was trying to express this. I choose to believe there is a God and he is good. Maybe I am wrong, but it does bring me comfort and gives me hope. I’m sorry Teal, I wasn’t trying to say you are wrong and I am right. I think you are very intelligent, and intelligent people are willing to consider and discuss differences of opinion or views. Please accept my apologies if my comment added to your hurt. That was certainly not my intention.

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    • It occurs to me that we make whatever we think God is in our own image, not the other way around. So if your God is all rainbows and sunshine and love maybe that’s a projection of yourself and who you want God to be rather than who God really is. The God of Christianity is supposedly a God of love, but he’s also a god of wrath and judgment. Maybe you just leave those parts out, I don’t know. But what I can tell you, having gone through all of this myself, is that the last thing someone who has been hurt by belief in these fairy tales needs is anyone to come along and tell them they’d be A-Okay if only they just believed the right way. It’s insulting and it’s condescending. I know you don’t mean it that way, but did it ever occur to you that that might just be the way it sounds? I doubt it. You’re doing it right. Of course, Teal needs you to correct her.

      Your God isn’t like that because you’ve made it so, not because that’s reality.

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      • Stephanie says

        As I mention above, I’m sorry. I was not trying to correct Teal. She has every reason to be upset. I feel for her and I can relate to much of what she says, that’s why I read her blog regularly. I agree with her that a lot of evil is done in the name of religion. I have seen it first hand. I just wanted to pose the idea that not all Christianity is evil. I believe there is a God who accepts me as I am. I also believe he is a God of wrath and judgement, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loves me. Obviously we don’t agree, I didn’t expect to change anyone’s beliefs, I just wanted to say there are exceptions to a Christianity that wounds and destroys. I do not claim to be “doing it right”, but in spite of the religious atrocities I have seen, I still choose to believe.

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        • I probably came on a bit strong. For that you have my sincere apologies. The thing is I get what you’re saying. I used to say the same.exact.thing. God is love. God loves you just like you are. There isn’t a one of us here who would have subscribed to a God belief without first believing that. I also subscribed to the belief that God didn’t send anyone to hell, they made the choice to go there by not believing in said God. I also subscribed to the belief that hell was just because God had to be a just god.

          It was only after I began doubting and questioning that I realized that the entire concept of a loving God eternally punishing people for simply not loving him the way he wanted to be loved is an impossibility. Think about it; is there anything, anything at all, that your child could do to make you want to punish them in such a gruesome way for all of forever? If you, who are a mere human, can be more compassionate than the god in whose image we are supposedly made then what kind of love is that? And if that God does exist, if the God you say is love and who loves us just the way we are but still feels the need to banish people who simply don’t love him or lack faith in him to an eternal torment then he isn’t loving at all. That is abusive. That is exactly what Teal tried to convey in her post.

          In addition, if you’ve been reading along with Teal, you’ll know she didn’t stop believing God exists because she was hurt. She stopped believing in God because that’s where the evidence led her. Now she’s simply doing what some of the rest of us have done and that is to grieve the fact that we ever believed in such a being and spent our emotions, our love, and our lives on this. She’s angry, and rightfully so, that any child is ever taught that they are in need of a savior because their best is as filthy rags. She’s angry that any child is taught that it is their fault, for simply existing, that a man named Jesus was beaten and nailed to a cross to save her from the wrath that surely is due her without it.

          I’m not trying to deconvert you. But we all have very valid reasons for not believing in this loving God, none of which have to do with having been hurt. But we see the harm these doctrines do to those who are indoctrinated with this very “good news”. And we’re pissed about it.

          Liked by 3 people

  2. Interesting way of presenting the Christian faith. In a sense, it is exactly what this faith teaches. We are worthless and undeserving . Only through the sacrifice of Jesus can we be “saved” from eternal salvation and be righteous. Otherwise , we are doomed, even though God is also described as graceful . We don’t need to do a lot of good deeds, all we have to do is believe in Jesus. But what the church tries to emphasize more is the great love of God manifested by humbling himself to become man and dying for “our sins.” There are several ways of painting this picture, depending on your current attitude about this religion . I guess a negative perspective could also be given to Atheism, such as describing it as believing we are simply advanced animals , that everything comes from nothing, that we determine our own purpose in life, the universe doesn’t really care what you believe or do since it is all an accident , and every evil act people do is really relative .

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