#DysfunctionalFamily

comments 3
leaving Christianity / the godless side / Uncategorized

I talked to my mom today on the phone for several minutes.  This doesn’t happen that often, and whenever we end the conversation, I remember why.

It usually isn’t just one thing, and today was no different.

“I just loved the video you posted on Facebook of Purple* [our 6 month old baby girl] laughing!  She sure is filling out though.  Quite chubby! It’ll be okay, as she gets older she’ll thin out,” my mother said with a slightly worried but trying to seem reassured tone.

WTF.  My baby is SIX MONTHS OLD!  How can “skinniness” even possibly be a concern for her GRANDBABY??? What’s more, even if she was 16, how dare she comment on her weight as if it were something to establish her value??  Oh man, it brought me back to my majorly flawed self-image days in which I calorie counted, weighed myself, starved myself, and desperately tried to maintain an eating disorder.  No wonder.  I wanted to smack her through the phone.  But instead, I just sort of talked it off and made this face quietly to myself:

grumpy

But this wasn’t the only time this face made its way across mine.  “Does Pink* (our two-year-old girl) like dresses?”  my mother asked.

“Yes mom, she is seriously the girliest girl I know.  She loves everything Princess, is obsessed with dresses and crowns and frills and high heels and glitter and pink….” I went on.

“I’m surprised,” she said.  “With the way you and Silver are…” trying to be nonchalant but slightly annoyed, as always, at our attempts to be gender neutral with our children.

“Yeah, I mean we never discouraged her being that way, we just didn’t want to make her feel like she had to,” I defended myself.

And then this.

“Well, I’m glad that she’s a girly girl.” Laughing. “I like that she likes girly things.”

There are more things wrong with that sentence than I care to talk about right now.  Hashtag dysfunctional family for the win.  Do atheist families grow up with such an obsession with appearances? my god.

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The Author

I'm a closet atheist christian missionary. Paradigm shifts happen frequently for those who allow themselves to think critically about currently held beliefs and openly about new ones. I’ve developed the skill, or perhaps addiction, for change but the community around me is slow to catch up -- and would damn me if they knew where I stood.

3 Comments

  1. Your mother is mentally ill. Resents everything about you. She won’t change and you can’t do anything about that. But you can make her aware of your displeasure and require her to be respectful. Yell at her if it makes you feel better. But I used to tell my mom to not talk to me that way please. And why. And said she had to show me respect. Never brought my feelings up during those conversations. Gets messy and not the point. It works. Boundaries!!!!

    Like

  2. I can understand being glad that a little girl enjoys girly things, and was pleased that my daughters did for a while. But that was an entirely selfish reason on my part, it was that I enjoyed dressing them in lace and frills, and it was nice for me that they didn’t mind. They were given lots of gifts of super girly stuff from friends and family, too, so it helped that they enjoyed it at the time.

    But I can also accept that they like what they like, so when my little one got a little older and went through her closet and tossed out everything pink and ruffly, that was OK too.

    But obsessing over the weight of a 6-month-old, that’s just too much! At that age, if they are healthy, and growing, and hitting all their developmental milestones, that’s the right focus.

    Liked by 1 person

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