The final Nail.

comments 10
the godless side

I’ve moved a lot, travelled a lot, visited many many places inside the USA and several countries overseas.  But every. single. place I’ve lived was due to my devotion to the cause of Christ.  I never set down roots, even if temporarily, anywhere that I didn’t believe I was called to, that I didn’t believe I could further the Kingdom of God, that I didn’t believe I could live as a missionary.

Since I was a child, my heart has always been along the coast.  But god called me to be a missionary to Mormons in Utah.   And that was the end of that dream.  Until now.

My husband and I picked up our two girls, packed up our apartment and business, and moved to Oregon.  Two days ago.  And this was the very first time I’ve ever travelled for the cause of Teal.  I’m doing what I want to do, for me, for the first time in 28 years.  You guys!!!! That’s CRAZY!

Even though we transitioned out of faith about two years ago, Utah continued to be our home, despite the pain and lack of community.  Ever since god called me to it, Utah was “my goal in life” for a long time because it was always My Place to live as the Anointed One among the Deceived to help bring them into the Freedom of Jesus Christ.  Leaving Utah this week was the final nail in the coffin of religion for me.  It felt uncannily emotional for that reason, but incredibly freeing.  I didn’t even know that I was still living under the oppression of religion until we were finally on the road away from it — in a very literal way.

I didn’t think this move would become our reality so soon.  I wrote the following only a few months ago: “My dream is to drive up the Oregon Coast with my family and eventually to live there someday, and for someday not just to be ‘someday.’  And to own a teahouse there 🙂 Redwoods.  Ocean.  Rocky Coast.  Sunshine.  Storms. Gorgeous Rain.  Open-minded people.  Hippies 😉 . Tea drinkers. Coffee lovers.  Community-builders.  Activists.  Progessively-minded.  Gender equality.  Support for one another.  I long for these things, and feel they are more prevalent out northwest.

I want [my baby girl] to be free.  Completely.  Free to be, act, dress, think, live how she wants.  I want her to feel fully loved and supported by us.  And I want us to provide a safe haven for her, free from all fear.  I want her to know true, unconditional love.”


Here’s to a life of making dreams a reality.  Here’s to full, authentic, Real Glory in the Pacific Northwest.  And here’s to you finding and fulfilling your own “Pacific Northwest.”


The Author

I'm a closet atheist christian missionary. Paradigm shifts happen frequently for those who allow themselves to think critically about currently held beliefs and openly about new ones. I’ve developed the skill, or perhaps addiction, for change but the community around me is slow to catch up -- and would damn me if they knew where I stood.


  1. Violet says

    So happy for your move to Oregon…may it be all you hope for and more!

    I have to ask, how did it go witnessing to the Mormons? I can’t imagine they’d be easy to convert.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You wrote that you want your daughter to be free. My mom taught me something about that. Half of her children have remained active in our church, and half have left. Why do we feel free to do as we please? First, my mom does not pressure us either way. But more importantly, I believe it’s because my mom has no contempt for anyone. I didn’t grow up hearing her criticize the ways of others, or be annoyed with people. She gave me a beautiful gift of freedom of thought–because I was free from unintentional social coercion. (It helps that my personality is naturally socially unaware, and therefore, less vulnerable to peer pressure–in fact, I spite it.) It’s impossible to hide your beliefs from your children. They’ll know you don’t believe in God, or which politicians you prefer or dislike. I think it’s okay to show them what you believe is right. But if we don’t want to be guilty of controlling our children’s actions through social pressure, we must truly respect others’ religions and political beliefs. While I will teach them I believe is right, I want to avoid arrogance and smugness when discussing religion and politics with my children. When they are old enough to think critically, I want to teach them open-mindedness by helping them to empathize with opposing perspectives. I’m not perfect. I still express annoyance with people and criticize politicians with my husband. But I hope that I will remember to only do these things away from the presence of my children, so they can be free from social pressure from me.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes. I like to hope that we will live by this philosophy: “I want to raise my children by teaching them how to think, not what to think.”


      • Exactly! And you seriously have the gift to do that. You have been an example to me of love and complete acceptance of others, like my mom. When you desire to, you have the ability to tolerate others, free of contempt, which is a critical foundation for teaching your children free, open-minded thinking.


  3. Welcome to the Pacific Northwest! I live near San Francisco. It’s a great place to live.
    I didn’t realize you were a missionary to the Mormons there either.


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