I just wanted to write down my observations while I felt the substance.
- How could anyone drive like this?? I am extremely aware of the fact that I can’t move normally. Do people get less aware the amount that alcohol affects them the more alcohol they have?
- I feel clumsy and like the world around me is spinning. My head moves much faster than the environment in which it is (don;t know how to word that better right now), so it feels very much like I’m in a spinning, confusing deep water pool or something.
- This doesn’t feel good to me. It doesn’t feel bad either. But it’s definitely not something I feel like I need to experience often other than just the fact that its a human experience and I want to participate in it since this is the only life I have.
- I like the relaxation that alcohol provides, but I feel the same level of relaxation on a much less disturbing-of-normal-things amount– meaning, I can still feel relaxed without feeling out of control.
- I actually really hate that my movements and thinking are slow. My typing is slow. My fingers don;t wrk as well. My actions aren’t as quick to ensure I can handle things correctly. Mywalking is difficult. And that’s incredibly annoying to me. I want to live clear headed and not take 10 minutes to make homemade popcorn on the stove to ensure I don’t break anything or burn myself. Annoying.
- Out of control is fun . Maybe? But more just as an experiement, like I was saying above. This isn’t in any way shape or form the way I want to spend my life perpetually.
- What does it mean to be drunk? Buzzed? Tipsy? Idk where I am because I don’t know those standards. I don’t like that my vision doesn’t keep up with me, that my movements don;t keep up with me, but I don’t feel like I’m completely out of control. So…. I don’t really know if this is what its’ like “to be drunk.”I only know this is the most experience with alcohol I’ve had.
- The end. I’m tired of writing now.
- Bullet point observations:
- my tongue is loosed
- everying blurred
- i just want to laugh and cry my emotions are right here so surfaced. bt i am in th eback, held, controlled, trapped
- thick tongue.
- wan to speak in tongues
- numb mouth
- wriling world
- first really frustrated. now like a circus
- tngue is super thick. wants to be loosed
Sober now, I’m reflecting on my experience. I remember actually hating it a lot. I love so many things about being alive in the human experience, and I like things that make that experience heightened, but this felt like it dulled and dimmed and slowed the human experience for me in a negative way. I felt like the real me was trapped in a body that wasn’t working correctly and nothing that I did could get it back on par. Talking was difficult. Thinking was difficult. Simple tasks were difficult. I didn’t trust myself to hold my baby unless I was securely sitting on the couch. Everything about that felt really annoying. I hated feeling trapped in my own body and mind. The definition of impaired means weakened, damaged, disabled. That sounds like the opposite of what and how I want to live my life.
How could that get addicting??
If it’s to let off some steam or relax, I feel like there are a million other things that I would rather do.
Does this mean I’ll never have a drink again? Certainly not. Does this mean I’ll never have enough to “get me drunk” again? I don’t know. Not any time soon. It just wasn’t a positive experience for me.
One positive reflection, though: It was really nice to feel completely free to make that choice on my own without having any sort of guilt. And I am equally as free to not choose to do that again. Freedom really is quite wonderful.