Christianity, not atheism, has broken my family.

comments 15
the godless side / Uncategorized

I don’t want to spend any more energy on this than I already have, but I need a place to express frustration with my sister.

For the first time ever in our lives, she didn’t call me to wish me a Merry Christmas.  Or answered my call when I tried to call her.

Both Silver and I received “Christmas” cards from her and her family (husband and kids) in the mail.  But she was very careful to say “Happy Holidays” and not mention Christmas once, to either of us.  She hates the phrase “Happy Holidays” because she sees it as a secular infringement upon a religious holiday — something she knew that I know, so her writing it to us reveals a subtle attempt at a passive aggressive alienation of me from the family.

She signed her card to me, “I love you and always will.”  Always will?? Oh the condescension! Of course, from her perspective, she’s being as good of a person as she can, even going above and beyond to say that she loves me “no matter what.”  What self-righteous bullshit.  What “always will” implies is a “despite” claus.  I love you DESPITE your disgusting journey to hell.  Which actually, to me, is no form of love at all.

And let’s talk about love for a second.  What exactly does she mean by that?? Since my coming out to her a year and a half ago, she has never once ONCE asked me why.  She has never begun to try to understand me.  Never a single question about my journey away from faith or what I believe now.  In fact, she hardly calls me at all.  Once every two months maybe, MAYBE and the conversation always centers around her.  Always.  Our lack of reaching out to eachother is mutual.  I call her just as often.  But at least when I do, I actually talk to her.  I ask her with interest in what’s going on in her life.   Does she have any clue who I am or what I am doing or what my life is like now? No. Then how can she possibly, possibly love that which she does not know or care to know???

We finally talked on New Years Day, after two a failed attempts at trying to reach her.  “Merry Christmas Kali, and Happy New Year!” I said to her.  “Happy New Year,” she said to me, blatanly leaving out a holiday.  Despite my questions about her family and their celebrating of Christmas, how it went, my interest in their entire holiday break together, about tradition and presents and anything else, she never once, ONCE in the entire conversation asked me about our Christmas.  She never said that word to me.

I hate her selfishness.  I hate that her righteousness and sorrow for my soul blinds her from seeing her selfishness.  And from seeing this terrible irony that has separated us as sisters:

My a-theism isn’t what keeps me from enjoying a relationship with my family, or from participating in special holidays and traditions.  It’s her DAMN Christianity!!!!  SOMEONES beliefs in our family have created a chasm or broken relationships.  But it isn’t mine!!!!


The Author

I'm a closet atheist christian missionary. Paradigm shifts happen frequently for those who allow themselves to think critically about currently held beliefs and openly about new ones. I’ve developed the skill, or perhaps addiction, for change but the community around me is slow to catch up -- and would damn me if they knew where I stood.


  1. Violet says

    I’m so sorry for the troubles with your family. I wonder if people don’t ask us (atheists) what we’re doing on religious holidays because they think we despise these days? I’ve had several christians say sarcastic things like, “enjoy the holiday, if you can.” Unless it’s to say something sarcastic, they don’t mention holidays at all…I guess because us “enemies of christ” could not possibly enjoy a holiday.

    My family, despite knowing of my atheism for over a year, sent me extremely religious Xmas cards, and initiated a prayer session in my OWN f’ing house (and had my 4 year old pray with them). As you said, it’s theism that’s ripping my family apart, not atheism.

    Since the hell of this last holiday I’m recommitting to not letting theists make me feel like shit (I hope you’ll join me in this). Like your family, mine has never ONCE asked me why I lost my faith. Not once. To them I’m a black goat who deserves to burn in hell, and honestly, I can’t hold out hope any longer that it’s going to change. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. humanity777 says


    That is the why. BE blessed and not deceived.


    • Violet says

      Really, humanity777? Teal is here pouring out her pain about separation from her family, and you just *have* to rub salt in her wounds by throwing biblical verses around. How can you possibly think deconverts are unfamiliar with the bible? We know what it says, and we reject it. Please spare us your remedial explanations of “why” we suffer.

      Teal, I don’t know how you’re dealing with christian trolls these days, but if you’d like to delete my response please feel free to do so.

      Liked by 1 person

      • humanity777 says

        VIOLET – If you actually took some time in my blog – I STATE IT CLEARLY THAT CHRISTIANS AND CHRISTIANITY HAVE FAILED AT LOVE – Point that finge some where else. ALL things happen for a reason….


        • Violet says

          You have come to a deconverts blog and ended your comment with “Be blessed and not deceived.” Damn right you fail at love.

          I have no interest in reading your gibberish.

          Liked by 1 person

      • humanity777 says

        And once you lived HIV + for 17 years, thought demonized by your Catholic mother, ignored by a Christian family all your life – then come and talk to me Violet…..have a good New Year.


  3. I feel your pain. My crazy Catholic aunt and her family are also blinded by dogma. What were once friendly cards and letters have gone to zero. I precipitated some of it by sending her Sinead O’conner articles and info on the pedophilia scandal. But still.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It is truly sad that you are going through this with your sister at this time. It seems that you may need to have a serious talk with your sister about her dismissive behavior. A simple “Are you upset with me because of my lack of belief…” may be a start. Or you can also start explaining to her your views. Sometimes people of faith need to tactfully be reminded that Jesus would listen to non-believers with love and care, no matter what. Maybe she is not mad at you, maybe she is just sad and too afraid to possibly start a heated debate with you. Who knows? Show her that you still want to continue the relationship with her and that you are the same person. I am sure that she is asking for advice as to how to approach the topic herself. Take a deep breath and start the conversation, in a loving way. Let us know.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I was an atheist over a full year before coming out, precisely because I knew I would have to be 100% steady-sure to withstand the onslaught that would come from my fundamentalist Christian sister. When she found out, her attacks were pointed and relentless.

    Then I got cancer.

    Now, she is so afraid that I’m going to die and go to hell that she has changed her tacts and is trying to love me back. I think my father helped her find this path, as well. I know it is tearing her up… you probably remember that feeling, as do I, when we were believers trying to save the world.

    I hope your path is less drastic than mine… but I wanted to say I relate fully to what you wrote, and would ask you to hang in there and continue to be the better person. Being the better Christian than the Christian is a powerful example.

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Being the better Christian than the Christian is a powerful example.” — Wow, what a potent, true statement. Thank you for your candidness — I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis 😦 It must be an ever-present reminder to fully enjoy every day as much as you possibly can


  6. Gorf says

    Teal, I don’t know what it’s like to have a family member believe I’m going to hell, but I know what it’s like to have a father who yells at you when you call him, worried, on 9/11 because he was working in Washington DC that day, and all he does is yell at you in a panic and hang up the phone; a father who said the F word to you; a father who didn’t attend your wedding; a father you haven’t seen in 16 years. All you can do is forgive, and wait for the other person to let go of his/her own pain, and finally embrace you with the love that is buried under judgement, bitterness, resentment, or other torment.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Uggggghhhh. Sometimes it’s easy for me to forget that dysfunction exists in every family, regardless of religion. I’m so sorry to hear that about your Father. What horrible memories for you!


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