Christians love to talk about the miracle of life. In fact, I associated this feeling of specialness and self-importance with Christianity itself, assuming this religion held the monopoly on having purpose, being chosen, one-of-a-kind, rare, and entirely unique. This correlation continued into my unbelief and contributed largely to my feeling of disconnect, unimportance, aloneness, and a deep despair due to my constant what’s-the-point thinking.
Apart from being angering at the (hopefully) unintentional manipulation of religion to keep congregants believing (similarly discussed in my earlier post A lie that nearly ruined me) by taking ownership of the miraculous, such affiliation between religion and “being special” is just plain incorrect.
This is hopeful for those of us outside of faith.
While there may not be a sentient entity responsible for my existence, every molecule in my body is the result of an extremely rare series of extremely specific events multiplied by nearly infinite to the point that, by all intents and purposes, I shouldn’t exist. Yet here I am.
I AM. That name, sacred of YHWH, the tetragram for the Hebrew God, now the Judeo-Christian Omnipotent being, used to evoke awe-struck fear and reverence within me. And now I feel such a deep connection to those two words to where I have the ownership of them, not some authority over me.
A year ago, I cried often at the thought that I wasn’t intended. I wasn’t planned, created. I just was. But now, I feel freedom from having a great big being in the universe (and yet so close to me that not a single thought of mine was private) owning my soul. I own it now. I, an entirely rare sentient being, LIVE and exist with full control of MYSELF. This is freedom — no longer being dependent upon another for my joy, but finding it within the solitude and sentience of myself, a scientific improbability. Yet, I am.
The link below displays a powerful mathematical and visual representation of the miraculousness of life: