The traditional New Years Resolution appealed to me more than normal this year. My lack of religious influence in my life has created hole easily filled with new sets of rules. Like the addict that triumphs quitting one only to find herself entrenched in another, I feel a strong draw towards legalism and self-disciplined structure. I don’t have a god telling me what to do, so I tend to create one within myself.
This isn’t to say structure is evil. On the contrary, the form in and of itself is neutral. But when used to determine one’s success or failure in life, such self-discipline easily morphs into a seemingly righteous form of self-judging.
Am I enough??
That is the question. Every human asks it of themselves several times a day. Religion multiplies those askings ten-fold. Did I pray enough? Read enough? Serve enough? Think enough pure thoughts? But that question haunts even the nonreligious. Did I sell enough at work today? Did I eat enough green veggies? Do I weigh the right amount? Am I enough for him to say hello to me? Am I enough for her to say yes to? Do I have what it takes to succeed?
I am in a place where I want severely minimize my asking myself that question. I want to be so free that I say YES to that question so often that I needn’t even ask it anymore. And I think creating resolutions will do just the opposite for me. So does this mean I have absolutely no structure or goals for 2015? Of course not. But let’s call them hopes. Here are my 2015 hopes:
- I maintain an attached relationship with my daughter. My time with her is naturally fulfilling, intentional, and quality.
- My husband and I find the balance between jobs, our new business, being parents, and strengthening our relationship. Date nights increase.
- Our business grows to the point where we become entirely self-employed.
- I maintain good physical health.
- I find new ways to increase my “spiritual” health (since I don’t believe in spiritual things, I put that word in quotes. I’m talking mostly about mental/emotional/inner-self health here).
- I find new meaning and purpose in life.
- I continue to explore and grow in creative outlets.
- I am able to serve others from a good place in my heart, rather than feeling obligated, coerced, or even jaded.
- We continue to develop a stronger community of friends outside of religious circles.
- I am more free.
Here’s to the best year of our lives — let’s create an incredible 2015 together!