An Atheist’s Miracle

comments 2
the godless side
When god closes a door, he always opens a window.  Right?

A breakthrough in my life.

The longer I have lived this post-god life, the more I find value and beauty in it.  For the first several months, I didn’t want to be where I was.  I wanted to believe in God, I was desperate for it, in fact.  As a Christian, life was simpler, life made more sense, life had more meaning.  Losing belief meant losing my identity.

But then a miracle (miracle? Yes) occurred.

I can honestly say, now, that as a non-believer life is simpler, life makes more sense, and life has more meaning.


I never thought the day would come when I could say that, when I could find hope outside of god, when I could appreciate the richness of life without there being the assurance of its occurrence after death.

Is there still pain? Absolutely.  Even more so, actually, because this pain can’t be explained away as God’s sovereignty.  My family’s rejection.  Sharp, deep.  But the sun shines brighter than ever before.  The colors of its setting are more vibrant.  The taste of my chai, spicier.  My baby girl nestling close to me, more precious.  I notice the sweetness in the air when I pass near flowers, and I take the time to approach them and soak up their aroma.

Silver and I fought head to head in our tennis match tonight.  Winner got to spend $50 of their choosing.  We laughed, played, sweated.  Towards the end of our game, thunderclouds rolled in.  I’ve never played tennis with a setting sun amidst storm clouds across from mountains as my backdrop, nor with thunder and lighting as my theme music.  But the experience was incredible.  And instead of just noticing it, I lived, breathed, fought within it.  My life is no longer defined by what will happen when I die, but what happens while I live.

The Author

I'm a closet atheist christian missionary. Paradigm shifts happen frequently for those who allow themselves to think critically about currently held beliefs and openly about new ones. I’ve developed the skill, or perhaps addiction, for change but the community around me is slow to catch up -- and would damn me if they knew where I stood.


  1. I’m so glad you’re finding meaning in atheism, many people get lost and just linger there, with no faith, and yet never truly seeing how amazing life is outside the bubble wrap. Transience makes life all the more precious to me and life is beautiful in its savagery and its tenderness and it’s pure vast simplicity. It’s impossible to put into words and you’ve already said it better than I.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! It can be hard sometimes, but there is SO much joy if I get to this place everyday. “Outside the bubble wrap” — I like that. And I agree completely, “transcience makes life all the more precious to me.” You have a great way with words!


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