Is it possible to ever come to our own conclusions without being influenced by anyone? I feel terribly pulled by my dad to believe in God again, and although my husband has reassured me a thousand times that I can believe whatever I want to believe, I feel so torn toward unbelief because of him. If I believe in God again, what will that say about him? I’m terrified of returning to a belief that will damn my husband to hell. But I’m terrified of how my family feels in me being damned to hell.
Silly thoughts, though very real, for someone who doesn’t believe in hell.
But honestly, my emotions are sooo mixed up I can’t even sort my own thoughts. Before my dad responded revealing his raw pain, I was confident in my belief, or lack thereof. I was no longer torn or depressed; I was finally beginning to feel free again. Free to explore my own identity. But feeling responsible for his pain — it changed everything inside me.
I talked to my husband about this tonight, and in trying to help me stand on my own identity and come to what I believe for myself, influenced by no one else, he asked me this question:
“If everyone you knew died, would you believe in God?”
I need awhile to truly process this.