So, remember how I came out as an unbeliever to my family last week? The “I love you” response I got from them was a buffer to allow their shock and pain a couple days before emerging in words.
I got an email from my dad that was, honestly, the hardest thing I’ve ever read. Ever. And I cried and feel pain unlike I’ve ever felt before. Ever.
“[This] grieves me as deeply as I have ever felt grief,” he said. Another Ever.
His email continued for several more paragraphs in raw pain as a father who just discovered his daughter will be damned for eternity. He wept while writing it, and I wept while reading it.
He can’t handle it. I can’t handle knowing what I’ve done to him. He has always been my hero; I have always looked up to him and loved him so deeply. He is the wisest, smartest man I know. He has always given everything for me.
I feel like how I used to feel as a Christian knowing that my sin was what crucified Jesus. Except this is much more real, much more tangible, and since my dad is not part-God, I fear there will never be a resurrection.
OMG this hurts.